The first time I saw the word tonglen I was reading Amy Poehler’s book “Yes Please!”. She was talking about learning this meditation practice and coming to understand that the word meant “to take take in pain and give beauty”. I was awe struck with the simplicity and reverence of that sentiment as it relates to laboring mothers.
I went on to research more about this practice independently. I learned that more technically tonglen means “to take and give” or often “breathe in darkeness, breathe out light”. Still each definition still resonated in my mind as an observation about the nature of birthing.
My next step was the correct pronunciation. I was concerned that if the “g” was silent it would be too hard for people I meet to translate what I told them into a written word. This would make me harder to find than is necessary, and so from a purely business standpoint I was worried about what to do in that case. It took me a shockingly long time to find a video of someone actually saying the word. There were mentions of it in many written explanations but no one saying. When I finally found a video of the word I was happy to hear it pronounced just as it looks. Tonglen.
I spent quite a few restless nights debating whether or not to take on the word tonglen into my doula practice persona. I worried, and will continue to be sensitive, about a sense of culturally appropriating a word with which I am not intimately associated. I, myself do not practice yoga or meditation. That being said, I do believe that the visualizations and calm a doula can lead a mother to is akin to meditation.
At the end of the day I decided that the beauty of the word and the imagery it provokes for me was enough to be at peace with using the word. I hope to continue learning about this meditation practice in a practical way also.
I do believe that the way in which a Mom can take in incredible pain and darkness and give forth such beauty and innocent light is a really precious thing.
Tonglen Doula 